The purpose of this first letter is to share with you who I am, why I’m here, and what to look forward to from these writings. I hope you receive answers to questions you’ve been curious about or simply find something joyful, thoughtful, and beneficial.
I’m a death doula.
Not many people know what a death doula is but when I speak with people about this work, it affects their hearts in a special way.
They lean in, their curiosity perks, feelings may start to bubble up, and they often want to reflect and share about their own experiences around death.
In a similar way, I hope this space offers a place for information on death, dying, and doula-ing where you can lean into what may be curious, unusual, or unexpected. The hope is that by understanding death a little bit more, we can find some truths about how we want to live.
As a death doula, I oftentimes come into intimate family situations so this is also a platform to offer rich information of who I am, what I’m about, and the values I work and live by. Imagine if all doctors and care professionals could offer personal writings about their work and what they want to offer this world, we’d be able to find the right fit for our needs a bit more readily and confidently.
This is my intention. For the moments when you or someone you love is in need of a death doula one day, you have someone you know personally that can help.
The most popular FAQs: the what and the how
What is a death doula?
Also referred to as an end of life doula or death midwife, a death doula helps soften some of the hard edges that death and dying can often bring to families.
Dying isn’t a medical event. It is a human event. A death doula reminds us of this.
A death doula is a companion for the messy, the sacred, and the unknown. While trained to manage many practical tasks like navigating confusing healthcare systems and educated in advanced death planning options, the death doula assists people and their families in these ways not just to relieve their plate but to unearth the sweet presence that lies underneath; the expressions of love that want to be shared. They remind us that a meaningful and peaceful death is possible.
How does a death doula do this?
Families come to me with various circumstances so the work is tailored to their specific needs.
Sometimes they’re looking for practical support – completing advanced health and death care directives, understanding alternative economical or eco-friendly options to burial or cremation, navigating hospice care or confusing healthcare systems, or advice on how to best care for a family member at home.
Sometimes they’re looking for some perspective – coming to terms with a diagnosis, advice on how to best discuss end of life wishes with family and friends, understanding when it may be time to shift gears from “saving or fighting” to a focus on acceptance, softness, and quality of life.
Sometimes they’re looking for emotional or spiritual support – creating a legacy project or work to heal relationships, navigating family dynamics, sitting with the person dying with reassuring presence and love, caring for caregivers, or facilitating ritual and ceremony before, during, and after death.
Most people and their families will inquire about one thing but will find that many of the above will be beneficial to a peaceful and meaningful passing. A death doula is trained to practice holistically in this way.
For more information, feel free to visit my website.
I hope you’ve found something joyful, thoughtful, and beneficial.
The purpose of this newsletter is to share letters, news and otherwise, about the inevitable endings that happen and the new beginnings that sprout from them.
What you can expect from these weekly newsletters are:
- Ask a Death Doula: FAQs about Death, Dying, and Doula-ing
- The most important end of life questions you can plan for now to benefit your loved ones later
- Musings on the cycles of death and life that happen everyday
- #Tellthemnow Series: Letters to the Dead and the Living; words that often go unspoken
- Good Vibes – stuff that I’ve found touching, inspiring, strange, or cool this week
If you’d like to be part of my email newsletter, please subscribe below!
It’s nice to have you here.
Be happy,
Erika
After Death Rituals and Ceremony: A Communal Exhale