Testimonials

Do we need an end-of-life doula? What essential skills do they bring to the table? Do we want to bring a stranger into such an intimate private moment for the family? Is Erika the right person for the job, assuming we need one? These are all questions I asked myself before we engaged with Erika.

Most people you ask would like to pass peacefully at home surrounded by loved ones as they draw their final breath. It’s a romantic notion, but does it play out that way? We attempted to have my father pass at home many years ago, and it was anything but peaceful. This year we lost my mother. She was 93, very hard of hearing, lost her speech to a stroke, was not mobile, and was virtually non-communicative. Taking care of my mother in her final days was tough physically and emotionally. We were caught between wanting to care for my mother’s needs for physical comfort, medication, and hygiene and reluctantly facing the inevitability of her passing. Erika saw the situation firsthand, and how we were handling it, then she sat us down for an enlightening conversation that changed everything.

In our discussion, we came to understand that my mother had been withdrawing from this world for weeks, if not months, beforehand. She, my mother, very much knew what she needed and wanted as she transitioned. Our well-intentioned focus on tasks like giving her medication, taking her to the shower, forcing her to drink more water, and moving her from bed to wheelchair to chair, were all very disruptive to the peace my mother so desperately needed. As you can imagine, this was not easy to hear or accept. Still, Erika communicated this message with so much love, empathy, and understanding that we could not help but make a shift. Her mastery in delivering this message was a beautiful blend of skill and gift. Erika’s nature is so essential to how she works.

From that conversation to my mother’s final hour, Erika helped us morph our behavior from determined, frantic, and forceful healing to empathetic, calm, and gentle care. The household’s energy shift was palpable, and the effect on my mother was apparent. Erika was instrumental in getting us effective hospice care, finding a funeral home, and handling other needs that would have robbed us of spending quality time with my mother.  Upon her passing, Erika offered to lead a washing ritual with any that wanted to participate.  The result was a very cathartic, peaceful, and beautiful way to honor my mother as she was always so clean and neat on her person. Erika’s assistance during this challenging time was visible and appreciated even among the most skeptical among us. Everybody who met her commented on how consequential she was in helping us in ways we would not have imagined.

So to recap. Bringing a loved one home to pass is the easy part. The peaceful part is not a guarantee by any stretch of the imagination. The stresses you face in dealing with family, medical, physical, and emotional issues can be overwhelming. We found Erika to be uniquely skilled and gifted in helping us see things for what they were and to mold a process that eased our mom to pass beautifully and peacefully. We could not have done it without her. She is an incredibly caring, empathetic, and loving soul, exceptionally qualified in this challenging role that most people don’t know they will ever need.

Working with Erika, you sense you are in the company of someone who has followed her soul’s path. Her depth and presence match her ability to welcome in humor and ease. In our session, I was guided to reflect on deeply meaningful aspects across the whole of my life. The pieces I received from these exercises spread into months after, showing up in my relationships with my parents, work, and the pieces I desired for myself. It felt entirely delicious to claim these things — and to be witnessed in my stories and my JOY. I am still feeling the effects of our time together — and how to honor death in the way I am choosing to live.

We asked Erika to be an end of life doula for our mother, who was transitioning from a nursing home to our home to die. A meditation teacher referred us to Erika, saying, “I wish I had more qualities like Erika.”

Erika immediately made mom comfortable and joined our family as a welcomed new member. She took the time to connect with everyone in our household and family members who came to stay. With everyone, she brought her curiosity, questions, and listening skills to the table. She showed a highly generous level of empathy as she engaged each member about their feelings regarding our mother’s transition.

As our mother arrived home, Erika intuitively blended in with her and the rest of our family and friends who visited us in the following 48 hours. Erika’s presence was calming and soothing. In addition to her remarkable interpersonal skills, she was highly adept in end of life care. She handled the details of organizing a home funeral- preserving our mother in state and including our children in the process, suggesting and purchasing a cremation casket box that they could draw and write messages on, which ended up engaging every adult as well.

Erika is a special, remarkable, and extremely capable person, able to interact with a variety people under challengingly sensitive conditions with complete aplomb and care. She has extraordinary active listening skills, excellent interpersonal skills, great patience, high levels of empathy, and high integrity. We have stayed in touch with Erika like a cherished family member and wholeheartedly recommend her.

Finding Erika felt like fate intervening. She became a guiding light in the darkness of my grief. Erika’s support went beyond mere words; she understood the depths of my pain and provided unwavering empathy and guidance. Watching my beloved dog Mamas, succumb to cancer was one of the most heart-wrenching experiences of my life. Despite all the medications, vet visits, and wound care, I felt utterly helpless as I witnessed her decline. She wasn’t just a pet; she was my lifeline, my constant companion in a world that often felt overwhelming.

Erika’s guidance was invaluable, helping me take small steps towards healing when I felt lost and inconsolable. She helped me navigate the complex emotions that threatened to end me. Not only did she provide a safe space for me to process my grief but also offered practical tools, including assigned ‘homework,’ which helped me take gradual steps towards self-care. By prioritizing my own well-being, I found the strength and resilience to ensure my Mama’s final days were filled with love and cherished moments, including all her favorite homemade treats. While the grief of losing my dog will always remain, I am forever grateful for her presence during one of the most challenging times of my life.

When my Dad received the diagnosis of congestive heart failure and then made the decision to stop active treatment and come home on hospice, there were of course, a lot of mixed emotions.  As a family we wanted to support his wishes but at the same time we weren’t looking forward to life without him. Erika came to our family at exactly the right time. She listened deeply to the concerns, fears, hopes, and life stories of my Dad and all of us. She helped us frame what was happening so we could deal with all of our emotions. She helped us to hold space for the kind of dying experience that would honor who Dad was and had been in his life.

Erika respected where we all were, both emotionally and spiritually. She continually checked in with us, asked very poignant questions and then supported our answers. She assisted all involved to find a way to live even though Dad was dying. At the same time, she utilized her experience and expertise to offer an expanded view of dying. This brought a greater meaning and comfort to our family.

We are all grateful for Erika’s presence during this time. She had no problem just hanging out as a support person, even playing card games, or helping clean up after a meal. On the other hand she had no problem digging in with the hard questions and helping us find the even harder answers. I would recommend her to any family who finds themselves in the sad situation of dealing with death and dying. Most of us haven’t had a lot of experience with it and it’s good to know there are experts around who can help guide us through the experience.

It’s hard to describe exactly what Erika gave to our family, as it was all so intuitive and seamless that we hardly noticed. What I can say without any understatement is that without her calming and loving presence there is no doubt in my mind that my amazing Mum’s passing would not have been as beautiful as it was. 

It had been a complicated process to get us all to where we were that week. There are a lot of dynamics in my family, as there are in all families. Erika understood all of this. Totally without judgment, only compassion. 

Erika holds space. That is sometimes an overused phrase, but in this context it is so vitally important. To be there as someone is passing into the spirit world is, to my mind – an incredible honor. It’s also a time when characteristics and behaviors that have played out over a lifetime can come to the fore. Erika has an inherent ability to allow these to come to the surface and then gently steer those present back to the reason that they’re all there. Again, without judgement, only compassion. 

There are so many factors in play at this precious time. So many feelings, memories, echoes, resentments, unspoken words, looks, love…pain.. it’s all present. That’s why it’s such a unique and pivotal time for all of those there. Not to put too finer point on it, but these moments can shape the rest of people’s lives. Erika handles this all so delicately, with absolute love and respect. 

There are not many words here about the ‘process’. I feel these are a given and Erika is very well aware of them all, and ensures they are all respected. What she brings is so much more than that. In a very gentle and quietly assuring way she allows everyone to fall apart, making sure they all get to where they need to be with pure intentions and gratitude. I will forever be grateful to her for this.

Erika is a loving and trusted friend. When my mother was in her last chapter of her life, I turned to Erika to talk through what this process would mean for my mother and myself. Losing my dad in 2020, I thought I knew how to handle what was to come. Erika reminded me that the process with my mom was different and I should honor that fact. Through our conversations, Erika encouraged me to let my cousins know they should spend time with my mom. My cousins were able to gather with her and be with my mom in her last few weeks. Erika also encouraged me to write my mother a letter, where I would say all the unsaid things I needed to tell her. I wrote the letter and was able to read it to my mom a few times in her last week with us. I will be forever grateful for Erika’s guidance. 

I am so grateful to have Erika as an unbiased partner as we discussed and organized my advanced end of life planning.  She is informative, thoughtful, and a tireless partner who has carried me through with care, discretion and integrity. This type of work is invaluable for people of any age and any spiritual or religious affiliation.  She humanizes the mundane administrative and complicated process of death that typically catapults families into chaos and relationships into grief and despair.  I only wish I could see her in her full capacity after I die as she will also be my doula advocate, helping my loved ones cope and manage in the fulfillment of my wishes after I am gone.

Erika came to care for my sister and support our family when Katy was dying last year. She is so compassionate to anyone who needs help and has a lot of experience serving different needs for different people. She made sure that Katy’s decisions about her own end of life plans were advocated for, communicated them clearly to our family, and made sure they were carried out by Katy’s healthcare team. She spoke softly to Katy and created a calming and nurturing environment for her to be at peace. After seeing firsthand how comforted Katy and the rest of the family felt, I know that Erika would make a good doula for any family.